


Warriors Retelling: Into the Wild

by MageWolf



Series: Warriors Retelling [1]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Crack and Angst, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Fluff and Humor, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageWolf/pseuds/MageWolf
Summary: (WARNING: SEMI-PARODY, DON'T TAKE A LOT OF THIS SERIOUSLY. I WROTE THIS BASED ON MY FIRST COUPLE READINGS OF INTO THE WILD, AND I WAS A DUMB KID. ALSO WATCH OUT FOR SWEARING AND GORE) A house cat joins a bunch of feral battle cats who always fight their neighbors and live out in the woods. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Bluefur/Oakheart (Warriors), Brindleface/Redtail/Runningwind (Warriors), Firestar & Graystripe & Ravenpaw (Warriors), Firestar & Yellowfang (Warriors), Firestar/Graystripe (Warriors), Frostfur/Lionheart (Warriors), Goldenflower/Tigerclaw (Warriors), Whitestorm/Willowpelt (Warriors)
Series: Warriors Retelling [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818859
Comments: 13
Kudos: 11





	1. Prologue

It was a dark winter night. Sharp, cool wind nipped the air. A cold half moon glowed on smooth, frosted granite boulders. On one side, a river rushed beside the stones, providing moisture to the marsh beyond it. On the other side of the boulders, a rustling forest lay, it's thick bushes swaying with the breeze. The dark shapes of cats crept over the rocks, eyes glowing, claws like ivory in the moonlight. Then, at the flick of an ear and the twitch of a whisker, the cats launched into a fierce, merciless dance competition.

In the midst of the writhing, dancing felines, two toms danced furiously. A large dark brown tabby tom performed the jive with a smaller, cinnamon colored tom. Tigerclaw growled in between his wild dancing, "Oakheart! How dare you claim these rocks as you're own! Do you even know what beer is, pussy?!"

Oakheart snickered at the insult, simply offering an insult with a proud smirk on his lips, "Ah, you ThunderClan louts are so uncivilized! Wine is much stronger than beer!"

Tigerclaw growled, shoving his face into the enemy's personal space.

"You take that back, you classy piece of shit!" He snapped angrily. Oakheart shrugged.

"I could, but it's more fun to fight for a good cause. And good alcohol!"

Furious, the dark brown tabby whipped a dagger from behind his back as he pinned the tom down. Surprisingly, Oakheart didn't freak out, and simply laid on his back and folded his arms behind his head, still smirking. Before Tigerclaw could deal any damage though, a ginger and white tom leaped onto a rock above them, shouting for a retreat. Tigerclaw scowled at the small ThunderClan deputy, before whipping his head back around to Oakheart.

"This isn't over, _pretty boy!_ " He threatened, before leaping off the tom as his clanmates rushed into the forest. Oakheart chuckled lightly.

"Oh, come back when you get a good taste in life choices, _darling_!"

* * *

An hour later, a tall, elegant blue gray molly sat on top of a large stone that surveyed they camp. She sighed, ears flattened as she looked at Silverpelt. Why couldn't they win this battle? It was a freaking dance competition! Maybe she needs to train her warrior to be better dancers now that it's getting warmer and the prey's returning...

"Evening, Bluestar."

A clear, delicate voice of a molly rang out in the otherwise silent clearing, making Bluestar leap in shock. She whirled around, only to find her trusty medicine cat, Spottedleaf, climbing up the highrock. She scowled.

"God damnit, Spotty, at least give me a _warning_ before you scare the fur off me again!" She half heartedly growled. Truely, she wasn't mad at Spottedleaf, she was just surprised. The calico fixed her with a toothy grin.

"Sorry, ma'am I was just wanting to tell you of the prophecy I got from StarClan!" She chuckled.

Bluestar's eyes went wide. That's right, Spottedleaf went to the moonstone with the other medicine cats at the half moon meeting. And she got her ancestors to finally speak to her!

"What did they say?!" Bluestar gasped. Spottedleaf fixed her eyes up at the stars as she spoke.

"When the tyranny surrounds the clans, rely on the blazing fire to save them from eternal darkness" She said simply. Bluestar blinked. _Tyrants?! Fire saving the god-damn clans?!_

"A-are you sure you didn't mishear them?" Bluestar asked, and when glared at by the petite medicine cat, she quickly added, "N-not trying to undermine your words, but... how in the world is _fire_ supposed to save our clan?!"

Spottedleaf shrugged and turned away from Bluestar.

"I do not know, Bluestar, but it's what they've said. Fire will save our clan..."


	2. Chapter one

Rusty woke up with a gasp. He looked up at the ceiling, suddenly calming down as he realized that no, he wasn’t in the forest for the fourth time this month, that was just a dream. He was stuck in his human’s house, again. Ugh.

Why couldn’t he be born in the woods? Being a house cat just made him fat and lonely.

He slowly stood up, stretched, and groomed a few rough patches in his fur. He could smell the dry pebbles in his food bowl and water in the opposite bowl, but both smelled stale and musty. He stuck his tongue out in disgust. Yuck!

So, he made his way out of the kitchen, slipped through the unlocked cat flap, and took a running leap to hop the fence. Granted, he face planted right into the wood seven times, b-but eight was his lucky number!

Rusty smiled. Finally, he’d live out his dream! Being out in the-

“Hiya Rusty!”

Rusty let out an unholy shriek and jumped, only to realize who the voice belonged to. He pouted and turned to face his homie who was dressed like an anime schoolgirl, Smudge.

“Smudge, please don’t scare me like that!” He said. Smudge giggled creepily.

“Oh, I’m sorry Rusty-san!” He mewed, “Didn’t mean to! I was just wondering if you were going in the woods. The cats there eat babies and drink blood, y’know!”

Rusty did a double take at that.

“Wait, other cats?” He smiled from ear to ear. Smudge gasped.

“Wait, n-no! It’s dangero-” Smudge attempted to warn him, but Rusty simply skipped away merrily.

“I can’t hear you, la la la la la!” He called. Smudge scowled.

“F-fine! I didn’t like you anyways, baka!” Smudge cried, sobbing as he ran away to his house. Rusty shrugged and went deeper into the woods.

He loved everything in the forest. The moonlight, the foliage, the flowers, the noises, the earthy scents, EVERYTHING! The ginger tom hummed a merry little tune as he trotted happily deeper into the forest...

...And then he was bowled over by a large, feline figure. Rusty gasped. Finally, a worthy opponent! Most of the other house cats hated fighting!

In the end, after a fight too boring to describe, the figure suddenly got distracted by a Twitter notification. Rusty, while beaten up, suddenly falcon kicked the tom right in the jaw.

A spotlight from no where shined down on the figure, revealing the figure as... a large gray tom with kitten fluff around his ears who... surprisingly didn’t look like fighting anymore.

“KK. Poggers.” Graypaw said. He then asked, “Also, get the fuck out. We don’t want fuckin’ kittypets on our terf.”

Rusty, baffled by this strange cat, cried out, “Kittypet?!”

Graypaw rolled his eyes and muttered, “Oh yeah, kittypets don’t know about clan terms. Lol, what noobs.”

All of the sudden, a large, golden tabby tom with the mane of a lion and a tall blue-gray molly stepped out from the bushes. Graypaw’s eyes widened, and then he bowed.

“What the hell’s going on here?” Bluestar growled menacingly. Rusty gulped.

Will he survive this disastrous, daring encounter with the wild cats? Tune in next week to find out!


	3. Chapter 3

Rusty shuffled his paws, trying to figure out a way for his pelt to not be nailed on top of the fireplace. Eventually, he decided to go for a straightforward approach, rather than a gay approach.

“W-well, I wanted to go into the forest because I... I feel fat and lonely and sad all the time, and I thought I could spice it up...”

He hung his head in shame but looked up suddenly when he heard laughter. He saw Bluestar chuckling, her shoulders bouncing in mirth. The other two cats looked confused, Graypaw even asking, “The shit’s going on with her? Is her brain going AFK or something?”

“I can feel that, kiddo.” She finally said after rolling on the ground, and then flicked her tail in thought.

“Hmm... how about this?” She said. Rusty tilted his head, confused but curious.

“Do you like fighting your neighbors, drinking beer, eating red meat, and driving trucks across cornfields?”

Rusty gasped.

“That’s my wet dream!”

Bluestar paused and gave him a funny look but continued.

“Then come join us in ThunderClan! I’ll be your new dictator.” She said. Rusty bounced excitedly.

“Hell yeah! Let’s go!” He cheered, but Lionheart shushed him, pointing to his collar.

“Quiet, youngster, we gotta get that gaudy thing off of you!” He said simply, before declaring, “We’ll put you in the coliseum to test your strength, and if you live, you’ll become our newest apprentice!”

Rusty whooped loudly and practically screamed into the trees, “AW HELL YEAH!!! THIS IS MY FUCKING DREAM!!!”

Suddenly however, a paw was slapped over his mouth, and he could recognize Bluestar’s scent hovering over him. She whispered into his ear, “While it’s good that you’re excited, don’t scare off all our prey like that again.”

Rusty nodded mutely, and Bluestar let go of him. She turned around and said over her shoulder, “We’ll pick you up at noon tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

Rusty grinned widely. Finally, his dream of escaping his boring life would come true! He nodded.

“Yes ma’am!”

And with that, the forest cats dove into the bushes, leaving young Rusty all alone with his excited thoughts. But as he jumped back over the fence, a pair of green eyes watched from the bushes, wide and teary. Who was spying on our protagonist? Find out next week when the next episode comes out, you lazy fucks! Until next time~


End file.
